[Assam] Wishes- afterthought - gender, romance , location

Sun Mar 26 09:56:36 PST 2006

Dear Margaret,

  I hope you looked at my last letter (copied below this one). I wanted to add some more. Reading your last blog post in www.geocities.com/margaretelise/micronesia/ I was overcome with emotion and unburdened my deepest thoughts. To me - spending 3-5 weeks on bed thru illness in a strange place (even though a paradize like Micronesia) is an unbearbale thought - even I would feel very vulnerable in such a position. Though you are my Jane Goodall and I'm sure you can manage it bravely.

   Second, your post previous to that (3/17) showed that you were interviewing for a Korean jon (and you speak the language fluently) - for a moment I felt numb since I was hoping that at the end of your current job you would be back in US so we could meet - though I am all for females in my life working across the globe. (my current US visa expires on coming June end though I can stay on in US without working for 2 more months if trying for visa extension/change - and I am planning to apply for a non immigrant work visa [H-1B] thru my current job - though I am not very sure they would agree despite my good work which is being appreciated. I would also then try some K-12 schools as sponsors - my info is very limited about that and I would prefer to work with edu reform non profit than with a K-12 school.  However, the other option is that my current F-1 student visa - on which I can stay on in USA indefinitely [it expires in '09] as long as I remain a full time student - be extended
 if I enroll in some teacher training program - it is very long shot since I would need atleast $15,000 ( i cannot work then) to stay on - a loan from somewhere - quite dicewy though. 

  The Green Card permanant resident card [as legal immigrant] which gives all rights except voting in US alos needs a sponsor -either parents, children or spouse - seems like a workable option - if i find such a sponsor. Since I can then apply for any suitable work and be considered eligible for any work inside US [though it takes 6 months to process - though I can stay in US during that time or go abroad for short term edu reform volunteer /consultant position ] . Without work permit or Green Card it is rather unlikely that any US based employer would ever look at my resume for the kind of jon we prepared for at Harvard.

  The other starnge requirement is that visa /card holders have to spend a large portion of their time inside US until they finally apply for and become US citizens - it takes atleast 5 years after you get a Green Card though. Generally people come on H-1B (like my computer techie roommates and lanlord - all from India) and cross over to Green card and ina  total 10 years become US citizens - all this while they have to spend 6-9 months each year inside US to be eligible. If they wantr to work all over the world as globally attuned execs/expats/workers - they have to wait for 10 years - I wonder how Prof. Reimers and his wife Prof. Velligas-Reimers managed that - after they both came yto Harvard from venezuela.

  I remember Prof Fernando Reimers spent more than two years in Pakistan while working for HIID (Harvard Inst. of Intl. Dev) . His wife I think worked all this while in US for Wheelock College perhaps on work visa.

  I had hoped to evade this search for H-1B and Green Card - by coming to DC and straightaway getting a global career with World Bank or getting a foreign posting (as expat) in some third country with some Itnl NGO - but that seems like a futile search - with about 300 applicants for every job which is advertised - even in farthest NGOS like Norvegian Refugee Council -which gave me these fugures for an Afghanistan based post.  Tucker said that same about his experience inside US. Most applicants from rich countries already have had experience of working at a variety of international locations in developing countires -which perhaps more than offsets my Harvard degree and India specific experience. 

  Thus, I am now trying this more rugged and circuitous route of working in US -even though I have always been keenly interestd in comparing Indian and US edu systems -which I had mentioned in my SOP for Harvard admission.

  Working with school kids in US has been a challenging [esp. culturally] which I feel most US/West based teachers /volunteers in other countires may not be facing in poor countries [except for language tough I did face accent problem sometims still do] . Though I spend only 3 hours per day at work [plus 3 more commuting] it is very exhaisting and I feel I need to continue this half load till I am acclimatized. 

  Coming back to the relationhip question I had been wondering when we would meet gain [though internet has improved communication and eeling of being near dramatically]. Last week I was victim of a lottery hoax [by email] and I visulaized that I would visit you in Korea - while going for a brief visit to India . Many Indians change planes in Seoul on their flights to West coast in US/Canada. I had however come to US via Taiwan [China airlines] --if the lottery money was really coming to me then I could enroll in a teacher training program and remain on student F-1 visa. That was justa  dram though.

  The other option is that my work visa [H-1B] comes thru thanks to my current employer [I can file 2 separate applications for 2 different jobs - improving my chances of success -if both jobs are part time -as my current job is -and I remain working in US and we meet whenever you drop in to US from expat work.

  The third option [more like a dream escape route though - to help continue pay monthly $350 student loan for next 15 years and get relevant experience for  a PhD etc ] is that I get a weel paying job [in US$] to work with an intl NGO in any poor country -except India - it would be easy to get work visa there perhaps. I feel working in India is not challenging and a learning experience - there is  ots of time for that and poor pay. I think you feel the same for US jobs - in terms of challenge.

  I was ill informed  that they were still accepting visa applications [for H-1B wok one] for this financial year ending this March - for those who graduated in US with a masters or a PhD. Infact, that quota got over on Jan 17 , 2005 -surprisingly that was about when I got the idea to apply thru that schme and had sent that psot on FR-Grads list. Now they will invite applications from April 1, 2006 onwards for those who want to start work Oct 1, 2006 onwards.

  Proposals & Gender Equality: I have always prided myself in promoting gender equality with almost all females in my life and had a degree of success in that respect - except when it comes to a romantic relationship. Thats when I get totally flumoxed . On the one hand I donot want to go in for a male chaunistic approach [though hailing from a largely male dominated society and family] On the otrher hand even Maureen Dowd - the famos New York Times columnist and author of new book "Are men Necessary" admits and promotes the idea that the traditional courtship ritual be maintained - with the male taking the lead , paying the dating bills, proposing etc . Though it would naturally come to any full blooded [heterrosexual] male -it reeks of male chauvinism. Why shouldn't females be allowd to take the lead . And every society has its own limits - on what constitutes male chaunism in wooing process and what is not. It seems like a cultural thing. I had imagined -while in India - that the
 modern Western women must have attained a level of equality enough to speak their mind over matters of the heart - like most men do. After being here for nearly 18 moths and hearing the likes of Mareen Dowd [on TV] I feel itis something to do with living beings as a whole. Perhaps in all animals and insect species the male has to intiate the courtship process. Ofcourse, males can't give birth.

  However, I am always confused by the process and unlike many others have not perfected the system. As yet I have not received a frank and favorable reply to any of my efforts in romance. No female has ever said thatshe like me romantically -as much as I do to her -- one at a time though. It is for this reason , and afraid that my earlier mail might seem like male chauvinistic one [ordering the possible spouse home etc] I am writing this one.

  Also, the other day we wentr to York town (not New York City) about 20 miles from Baltimore and saw the Harley davidson motorcycle factory there - from outside. My vagabond ex-roommate had some work there the next day [he has  new job in sales] so dragged me along. Though he sometimes goes on etxremes - like today -as he left my home in a huff and anger - as I refused to share my thoughts [which I penned on paper - before typing it now] I do like the almost daily long drives on highways where I can collet my thoughts and get a chuaffer driven cra for free. He needs the company. His behavior also gives me an idea of what to expect of truant school kids in USA and how to deal with their tantrums.

  Do give a thought to all thse isssues and in my heart I feel you like me romantically too.

  Best.

  get well soon .

  Umesh 
umesh sharma <jaipurschool at yahoo.com> wrote:
    Dear Margaret,

  I wish you were here in US and we were married. I love you. Get well soon. I was in Baltimore Thursday night with my ex-roomate (whom you met) driving thru to York - I kept looking around to see the tall building where you worked and I saw you last.

  See you soon?

  Umesh

Umesh Sharma
5121 Lackawanna ST
College Park, MD 20740

1-202-215-4328 [Cell Phone]

Ed.M. - International Education Policy
Harvard Graduate School of Education,
Harvard University,
Class of 2005     
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Umesh Sharma
5121 Lackawanna ST
College Park, MD 20740

 1-202-215-4328 [Cell Phone]

Ed.M. - International Education Policy
Harvard Graduate School of Education,
Harvard University,
Class of 2005

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