[Assam] From NYT--On Insults

[Chan Mahanta]

What would be the ultimate Oxomiya insult?

cm
( No need to describe with profanity of course)

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OP-ED CONTRIBUTOR
The Shoe Heard Round the World


By JOHN KENNEY
Published: December 16, 2008
Hitting someone with a shoe is considered the 
supreme insult in Iraq. It means that the target 
is even lower than the shoe, which is always on 
the ground and dirty.
- The Times, Dec. 15

IN France, of course, it's a waffle. Throw a 
waffle at someone and you have said, in essence: 
"I loathe you. You are scum. Your people are 
donkey traders." It suggests that the target is 
even lower than a waffle, which is sometimes on 
the ground if it happens to fall off a plate, and 
the ground could be dirty, depending upon the 
ground.
Who's to say why, exactly? Some say the waffle's 
association with Belgium is enough to disgust any 
Frenchman. Others suggest it is its annoyingly 
spongy consistency. Still others say it's the 
derivation of the word - "le waffle" in French, 
from the Flemish "wafflintis" and originally the 
Latin "wafflibus," all of which translate, 
loosely, to "waffle."
For scholars of insults, what comes to mind 
almost immediately after a high-profile insulting 
incident is the central African nation of Chad, 
where hitting someone with a pair of pants is the 
highest form of insult. It means that the target 
is lower than pants, the hem of which, while not 
on the ground, is often near the ground and, 
again, unclean. The only problem with this form 
of insult is that the thrower then has to 
retrieve the pants, as he or she had been wearing 
them.
For many years people threw shorts, but almost no 
one was offended, as the hem of shorts is a great 
distance from the ground. "We're working on new 
forms of insult, as well as changing our 
country's name, which, strangely, is a common 
first name in California," said a Chadian 
cultural attaché. "We need to be taken more 
seriously."
In the former Soviet Union it is not uncommon, 
especially among the savage Russian mafia, to 
throw a 68-ton American-made Abrams M1A1 tank. It 
means that the target is even lower than a tank, 
whose treads are always on the ground, unless 
they're not for some reason - say, repairs or 
what-have-you. In fairness, though, the throwing 
of tanks appears to be happening with less 
frequency, due to the near impossibility of 
surprise, especially at indoor events.
In Peru, meanwhile, people throw their voices as 
a form of insult. While not technically near the 
ground, a voice suggests "sound" and "sound" 
rhymes with "ground," the ground being low and 
possibly unclean, depending upon where, exactly, 
you're standing.
Peruvians say that throwing your voice is the 
ultimate insult because the intended victim 
doesn't know where it came from. It is not 
uncommon to hear someone say, "Who said that?!" 
on the streets of Lima after a particularly 
cutting remark. The danger, of course, is 
insulting someone by trying to throw your voice, 
but doing it poorly and instead moving your lips. 
The intended victim knows immediately where it 
came from.
And what of tiny Bhutan, snug between Tibet in 
the north and India to the south? In this 
mysterious Buddhist country, perhaps the only one 
in the world that measures its Gross National 
Happiness, people throw brightly colored tissue 
paper, so as not to hurt anyone. The paper falls 
harmlessly to the ground - a symbol of both 
lowness and dirt - and the thrower quickly picks 
it up, disposes of it, and then apologizes 
profusely.
John Kenney is a writer.